


J.A.N.A

by TheBrokeZane



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Powers, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Multi, Tears
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-01
Updated: 2015-07-01
Packaged: 2018-04-07 05:38:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,569
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4251468
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheBrokeZane/pseuds/TheBrokeZane
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What if someone else told Iris how Barry feels about her?</p>
            </blockquote>





	J.A.N.A

**Author's Note:**

  * For [falling4westallen](https://archiveofourown.org/users/falling4westallen/gifts).



> Barry doesn't have powers in this because it's unnecessary. I took a chance with writing angst, and I hope you enjoy.
> 
> Feedback/constructive criticism is greatly appreciated! I welcome it to improve what I'm doing wrong. I know some simply don't like my writing, but for the people that do, what can I do to improve? I'm eager to grow.

 

Best friends Barry Allen and Iris West were inseparable. Always had been, always would be. They met in elementary school and were joined at the hip ever since. They really became incredibly close after Barry's mom was murdered and his father was falsely convicted and sent to prison for it. Barry then came to live with Iris and her father, Joe. Barry totally changed the dynamic of the house and they really bonded as a family. Barry loved living with his best friend and his surrogate father.

Barry also loved and was in love with his best friend. Always had been, always would be. But Iris didn't know that because Barry never told her and Iris just thought that Barry treating her like royalty and she him, was just what best friends did. She was completely oblivious to Barry's feelings for her though it was painfully obvious to everyone else.

Especially to two girls that Barry dated, Felicity and Linda. He and Felicity were both uber nerds that decided that they'd best be suited as friends. Iris was super excited when Barry met her. She adored Felicity and was happy for Barry. She now had someone to take on double dates with her and Eddie. Then that fizzled, but the two remained great friends. Truth be told, Barry was too hung up on Iris and Felicity was too hung up on a guy named Oliver for that to go anywhere. Then there was Linda. Whom he desperately tried to make it work with, despite his lingering love for Iris. He kind of forced himself to move on. She actually broke up with Barry because of his obvious feelings for Iris. She knew she couldn't compete with the love of his life and gracefully bowed out.

Joe even knew and encouraged Barry to tell her. Barry never did though. He didn't want to ruin their friendship when she didn't feel the same way. He was sure that was the case. He was wrong, but he was sure of it. Despite his friends Cisco and Caitlin telling him to go for it. Despite Joe telling him to tell her. Despite Linda telling him to go get her when they broke up.

He never said a word. He became accustomed to the way things were and would remain. Iris was too important to him to lose even as a friend. Besides they lived together. He wasn't banking on moving out any time soon. He doubted Iris was thinking of moving out either. They had a nice set up living with Joe. They always had.

It it ain't broke, don't fix it.

Right?

 

Iris awoke early on a Saturday morning. She had things to do. She had a hair appointment at Avenly. Then she had to go grocery shopping for the men she loved. She had always done the grocery shopping for the house, well since she was old enough to do it on her own. She was the woman of the house afterall. She had to make sure that the two most important men in the world to her stayed well fed.

She went in to the Jack and Jill bathroom that she and Barry shared and made sure the door was locked on Barry's side. Something she did thousands of times. Ever since he moved in with them. They didn't need any mishaps, and luckily they never did. She figured their friendship would change dramatically if they accidentally saw each other naked. Or if they caught each other pleasuring themselves. Or maybe even her changing her tampon or something. They just didn't need to go there since they were best friends and Joe called them his kids.

Iris made sure to not make a lot of noise because Barry was surely still sleep. Sleeping in was Barry's thing. He even managed to sleep in on his work days. The big goon was perpetually late. Always late. Iris teased that he'd be late to his own funeral. She didn't understand it but was used to it after all these years. The only times he was on time was when Iris was literally in charge of waking him up for school, and now work. She wondered how he got through college without her waking him up but he made it. Now they were both back at home, like millenials do.

She just took her shower and left the bathroom to get dressed. She needed to stop past Jitters on her way to the salon. She needed a latte and a cronut desperately. She figured it was too early for a brownie, though she was obsessed with them. Jitters had the best brownies. Jitters had the best everything. She should know since she worked there all through college and grad school. She only recently resigned after she got offer the job of a lifetime at Central City Picture News. She was just starting out with her journalism career, but she had so much potential and time to grow into an ace reporter. She would be patient and give her career the nurturing that it deserved.

Iris dressed and hurried out the door to her car. She made the familiar drive to Jitters and got her morning fix before heading to the salon to get her hair done. After a ridiculous amount of hours there, she left and made the drive to the grocery store. She really needed to do that because she was actually starving after her appointment. She was cruising the aisles and getting what she needed. Her cart was full of her own, plus her father's and Barry's favorite things. It was like second nature to buy the two men in her life the things they liked. She was getting several boxes of Barry's favorite cereal, Cocoa Puffs, when she saw someone she knew.

"Linda? Hey! How are you?" Iris asked in her usual bubbly and chipper tone. She and Linda weren't exactly friends, but they were "friendly" because of her relationship with Barry. Iris still wondered why they broke up.

Linda smiled despite her and Barry ending. It wasn't Iris' fault that Barry was in love with her. "Hello, Iris. I'm great. How are you?" She asks to remain cordial.

"I'm doing great actually. Just getting a little grocery shopping done." Iris says and smiles at Barry's ex girlfriend.

"Where's your shadow?" Linda asks playfully.

"What shadow?" Iris asks quizzically.

Linda lightly chuckled. "Barry, _Bear_." She replies almost icily, but decides it's not really worth being petty. She and Barry didn't work out. It happens.

"Oh, Barry. He's fine. He's at home, probably waiting on me to get back so that he can stuff his face with the food I brought." Iris responds and smiles widely thinking of her greedy best friend. She wondered why Linda referred to him as her shadow though. They were always together, but isn't that what best friends did?

Linda then casually glanced into Iris' cart and saw a lot of Barry's favorite things. Of course, she thought to herself. She looked back at Iris and smiled. "I'll bet." In an almost sarcastic tone that Iris picks up on.

Iris thinks it's because of their break up. "You know, I'm still a little surprised you two broke up. You really seemed great for each other." Iris says honestly and smiles at Linda again.

Linda smirked then smiled. "Really? That's... _interesting_." She says. "But no hard feelings. Honest. How are things going with you two?"

Iris squinted her eyes and looked at Linda carefully. "Why would there be any hard feelings?" She inquired.

"I'm just saying that even though Barry and I didn't work out, I don't hold any hostility or resentment towards you." Linda says and smiles. She really means it even if just seeing Iris takes her back.

"Why would you have any hostility or resentment towards me?" Iris asks in confusion.

Linda looked at Iris carefully this time. "It's ok, Iris. It really is. Even if you're the reason we broke up, I'm happy for you two." She says sincerely.

Iris is majorly confused now. "What? How am I the reason you guys broke up? And what do you mean by you're happy for us?" She asks in wonderement.

Linda cringed. She got it now. Iris still didn't know. At least that's how it seems. She hopes she isn't having fun at her expense. "You still don't know, do you? Wow, this is awkward."

"Know what? What's awkward?" Iris questions.

Linda exhaled. She felt like trash for letting that out. She thought they were together. She just looked at Iris and wondered if she really was playing games with her to rub salt in the wound, but Iris genuinely looked confused and concerned. "Nothing. Forget it. Forget I said anything." Linda insists.

"Forget what? Linda, you're not making any sense. What should I know that I don't know?" Iris asks quizzically.

"I feel like I just ruined a surprise party." Linda states. Then she exhaled and cringed.

Iris exhaled as well out of pure frustration. "Linda, what is going on? What did you ruin?" She almost fires in concern. She's really confused at what Linda is getting at.

Linda rubbed her forehead. "I'm so sorry Iris. I figured he would have told you by now."

"Told me what? The reason you two broke up? He just said that it didn't work out and left it at that. There's no reason for us to not be friends because of that." Iris states sincerely.

"I broke up with Barry because he's in love with you." Linda blurts out.

"What?!" Iris exclaims incredulously and loudly. People look over at her.

"Yeah." Linda says almost bitterly.

"You broke up with Barry because he's in love with me?" Iris asks just to make sure she heard Linda correctly.

"Yes. He is. Well was, I guess. I don't know. I doubt he just got over you though." Linda counters.

"What? Who told you Barry was in love with me? He's not. We're just best friends." Iris says truthfully.

"He didn't have to tell me. I could see it. Well, he did admit it after I confronted him about it. I can't believe he still hasn't told you how he feels about you. i told him that he should." Linds admits.

"What? Barry isn't in love with me, Linda. I think you're mistaken." Iris says.

"No, I'm not. He said he was. I heard it with my own ears. Plus, it's blatantly obvious." Linda says.

"Blatantly obvious? How?"

"Do you remember that double date we went on? It was like Eddie and I were intruding on your date with Barry instead of the other way around. Eddie and I exchanged many glances. You two weren't aware of how couple-y you looked and acted. It was beyond just best friends." Linda says.

Iris suddenly has flashbacks of her then boyfriend asking her if Barry liked her romantically. She thought it was preposterous and shot that notion down immediately. They were just best friends. They grew up together and lived together. Of course they were close. Not many best friends actually live together in the same house while they're growing up. They knew everything about each other and naturally got along well because of it.

"That's just how me and Bear are." Iris says absently.

"I gues that would be ok if he wasn't in love with you."

"It's really obvious that he's in love with me? He actually said he's in love with me?" Iris asks in confusion.

"Yes, it is and yes, he did. He's been in love with you since you guys were kids. I knew I couldn't compete with that history. I saw it and felt it. It's hard to miss." Linda says.

"What? How? How can you tell?" Iris asks.

"Well, disastrous double date aside, it's the little things. The way he lingers on you when you aren't looking. The way he looks at you like you hung the moon and make the sun rise. The way he talks about you. The way he looks like someone died if you're talking to another guy. He tried to hide it but he really looked physically sick when you kissed Eddie." Linda says with a little tinge of jealousy, though she's over it. It just would've been nice if Barry looked at her that way. She sighed."This really is awkward, Iris. I'm sorry I ruined things. I just assumed you two were a couple by now. It seemed obvious to me that you had feelings for him too."

"What? No, I don't." Iris states to her defense and really has to wonder if she's telling the whole truth.

"It seemed that way to me. I really can't believe he has sat on this this long. I really thought he was going to confess his feelings to you. It's way past time that he did."

"Why didn't he tell me?" Iris asks distractedly. The question was more for herself than Linda.

"Probably because he thinks you don't feel the same way and it will ruin your friendship. But still, I'm actually shocked he hasn't given you a ring and proposed." Linda states softly.

Iris felt like she had been hit by a truck. She unconsciously reached for the necklace Barry got her.

Her mother's wedding band.

 _Oh. My. God_. Iris thought to herself.

 _Friends don't give friends wedding bands. Friends don't give friends wedding bands. Friends don't give friends wedding bands._ Eddie's words rang through her mind with a sound that was deafening.

Linda watched Iris and saw her necklace. She saw that it was a ring. "Did Barry give you that?" She asks though she knows the answer.

"Yeah..." Iris answers. "For Christmas last year. It's a replica of my mother's wedding band. I lost the real one when we were kids." She says absently.

Linda just smiled and watched Iris mentally put the pieces together. "I guess I wasn't too far off. Looks like you're engaged and didn't even realize it." She patted Iris on her shoulder and walked off.

"Oh. My. God." Iris says out loud this time.

 

Iris completed the rest of her shopping as best she could. Linda hit her with a huge pile of bricks. The revelation really wasn't enough for her. Somewhere in the back of her mind she knew it was the truth, and also knew that she potentially felt the same way. How had she been this oblivious? How had Barry been this scared to say something to her? It still wasn't enough. She needed someone else to convince her that Linda was right. She could just be telling Iris that just to mess with her.

 _But why would Linda do that?_ Iris thought. And she came to the conclusion that Linda wouldn't do that. She had no reason to.

But she still needed to be sure.

She knew she couldn't ask Eddie. That would be insensitive. She hadn't spoken to him or seen him in almost a year since their breakup and him moving to Keystone. She thout about the irony of them breaking up around the same time Barry and Linda did. She guessed it really wasn't a coincidence.

She figured she'd ask Caitlin. Even though she's technically Barry's friend, she and Iris got along fine. She needed to hear it from another woman. She knew she could ask Cisco, but he might be branded by the guy code and not tell her what she needs to hear.

Iris pulled out her phone and looked for Caitlin's number. She easily found it and dialed her up. She was relieved when Caitlin answered.

"Hello?"

"Caitlin? It's Iris. Are you busy?" Iris asked hopefully.

"Hey, Iris. No, what's up?"

"Well, I need you to meet me as soon as you can at Jitters."

"Is everything alright? Is Barry ok?" Caitlin asks in concern.

"Everything and Barry is fine. I just need to talk to you about something. You know, girl to girl."

"Oh, ok. I get it. I can meet you there in 20." Caitlin says.

"Thanks. I'll see you there." Iris says and makes the short drive to Jitters. She arrives before Caitlin and has a seat. She orders Caitlin a drink she knows she likes from working there. Iris felt like she was too nervous to drink or eat anything. Her appetitie had completely left her after talking to Linda. She seriously thought she needed a nice dose of alcohol to get through this shocking news. It was so unexpected. Iris got a little lost in thought thinking about it and Barry when Caitlin walked up to her and sat down.

"Hey, Iris." Caitlin says as she sits down across from Iris.

"Hey, Caitlin. Thanks for meeting me. I ordered you something." She replies and smiles.

Caitlin took a sip of her drink and looked at Iris. She wondered what this was about. From the looks of things, Iris had a lot on her mind. "Thanks. So what did you want to talk to me about?"

Iris exhaled and smiled. "Well, you know I just wanted to talk to you about something, girl to girl. I know you're first and foremost Barry's friend, but I'd like to think that we're friends too." Iris says and smiles.

Caitlin returned her smile. "Of course."

"Well, what I wanted to ask you was there something going on with Barry or something that I need to know that you know about?" Iris asks and smiles nervously.

"What do you mean?" Caitlin asks.

"Is there something Barry is keeping from me?" She refrased her question.

Caitlin nervously took a sip of her drink again. "Oh boy..." Is all she says.

"So there is?"

Caitlin placed her cup down on the table. "Look, Iris. I really think if you need to get answers from Barry, you should just ask him yourself."

Iris sighed. "I don't want to make things weird between us. We've been friends too long. If I'm wrong, I don't know how I'd live that down." She says a little sadly.

"You're not wrong." Caitlin says to assure her.

"How do you know what I'm talking about?" Iris wonders.

"I know. There's really only one thing you could be wondering about. Everyone else knows the truth." Caitlin states truthfully.

"Wow." Is all Iris says.

"What brought this on Iris? Why are you suddenly asking me things like this?" Caitlin wonders in concern.

"I ran into Linda at the grocery store." Iris says.

Caitlin cringed, but tried to hide it. She was famous for her facial expressions. "I see." She says and takes a sip of her drink.

"She thought Barry and I were together. And was surprised he hadn't proposed by now." Iris adds.

"Yikes."

"I know. Imagine how I feel."

"Well, Iris. I think you need to talk to Barry instead of everyone else. Only he can give you the answers you're looking for." And after a beat. "Can I be frank?"

"Of course." Iris says as she leans forward in her seat.

"What happens when you get the answers you're looking for?"

"I don't know... I don't know..." Iris says before she trails off. "Can I ask you another question?"

"Shoot."

"Is it really that obvious?" Iris asks in childlike wonderement.

"Yes, it is." Caitlin answers truthfully.

Iris exhaled and wiped her eyes. She again felt like she'd been hit in the gut.

 

Iris drove home with a zillion thoughts running through her head. She was unfocused though driving was second nature to her. Several times she had people blaring their horns behind her after the light turned green and she hadn't budged. She pulled in the driveway and sat there for an unforseeable amount of time. She had so much on her mind. So much. Linda and Caitlin had both given her much to think about.

 _Could I really go there with Barry?_ Iris asked herself. _I could, but what about our friendship? What if it doesn't work out? What if we aren't compatible? What If we have sex and it's awkward and awful? What if...?_ Iris asked herself to the point she had a headache.

She needed to get out of her car and go in the house. She needed to lay down. She needed to get the groceries she brought put away. She had ice cream that was probably soup by now. She sighed and rubbed her head. She looked at her reflection in her rearview mirror. She subconsiously started to think things she shouldn't.

"I wonder if Barry will like my hair." She says out loud without realizing it. She mentally scolded herself. A day ago she wouldn't think such things. "That fucking Linda." She again said out loud. "I was ok until I talked to her." Iris grabbed her purse, and got out her car and actually slammed the door. She walked around to her trunk and Barry came out of the house. He stood on the porch and watched her for a moment before coming down the steps. _Great._ Iris thought.

"Finally! I thought you were never coming home!" He says as he appears at her trunk beside her.

Iris looked up at him and had to force herself to hold in how she was really feeling. She hoped Barry couldn't see that she wasn't ok. "There's food in there, Bear. Don't start."

"Yes there is, but it's nothing that I want. Did you get my Cocoa Puffs?" He asked and sounded ridiculously like young Barry.

She looked around and reached in the bag and grabbed one of the boxes. She shoved it towards his chest. Why she did that, she didn't know. He was suddenly aggravating her just from his presence. "Here."

Barry grabbed the box and looked down at her. "What was that for?"

"Because you're out here harassing me about some cereal when there's food in the house." She snapped.

"What's wrong with you?"

"Nothing."

Barry scoffed. "Yeah, right. What's wrong with you? You're snapping at me for no reason."

Iris looked up at him. She was snapping at him for no reason. She didn't even know why she was doing it. He was aggravating her though. He was too close to her. "Sorry. I guess I'm just a little on edge because I've been in the salon and I'm starving now."

"It's ok." He reached out to grab her hair. Iris forced herself not to jump or feel anything. "I like your hair. You look great." He offers sincerely.

Now Iris had to wonder if there was a hidden meaning behind his statement. "Thanks."

"Come on. I'll share my Cocoa Puffs with you." He says and smiles before grabbing most of the bags. Iris reached in and grabbed some without a word and went into the house. Barry made more trips while Iris was putting the food away. Barry readily came and helped. He stopped short and chuckled when he went to the freezer. Then he abruptly stopped and looked at Iris. She seemed a million miles away. And something was totally off about her. "Iris, what's wrong?" He asks again.

Iris looked over at him. "Nothing's wrong. I already told you that. I'm just hungry." She lies.

"You're more than just hungry. Something is definitely wrong with you."

"What? There's nothing wrong with me, Bear."

"Oh, really?" Barry asks skeptically.

"Yes, really." Iris snapped again.

"Then explain this." Barry says and points to the cabinet. Tucked away was a container of ice cream and the eggs. He had already taken out the syrup and dish liquid she had placed in the freezer without her noticing.

Iris probably turned red from embarrassment. She internally screamed and cringed. She smiled to hide said embarrassment. "I guess I'm just a little distracted." She lies.

"Distracted about what? What's on your mind so heavily that you would do things like this? Do you want to talk about it?" He again offers sincerely. "I mean, this is kind of funny, but I'm kind of worried about you too."

"Just work stuff, that's all." She lies again. She smiles despite how uncomfortable she is.

"Serious work stuff?"

"No, not really. I'm just still trying to make a name for myself and people are still treating me like an unpaid intern. I have to really score with some great articles to make that go away. It's hard being the new kid." She says truthfully, though that isn't what's bugging her.

"Well, it sounds like you could use a hug." He says and smiles at her. He walked up to her and wrapped his long arms around her. She wrapped her shorter arms around him and lightly placed them on his back. "It's all gonna be ok. When you win your first Pulitzer, you can look back on this and laugh."

Iris noticed everything about the hug. Barry's freshly showered but normal scent. The way his heart rate picked up when he first hugged her. And something else.

She noticed that he subtly inhaled her scent.

She started wondering if he had ever done that before. It was so brief and so subtle that she probably would have missed it any other time. Now she had the information that she didn't have before. She rubbed his back for good measure and slowly broke the hug. She looked up at him and the weird look he had on his face. "Thanks, Bear. You're the best."

"That's what I'm here for." He replies and gives her a genuine but awkward smile.

"Is there anything going on with you? Anything you want to share and get off your chest? I'm all ears and I'd like to return the favor." Iris says before she returns his smile.

There really was something he wanted, and needed to get off his chest, but he wouldn't. He had to suppress those feelings forever. He was grinning and bearing it. He knew he never should have developed a crush on Iris anyway. Then it turned into full blown love. He couldn't help falling in love with her, but he knew that it wasn't good or healthy for him. He was doing everything in his power to get over her and move on. She would always be a major and important factor in his life. He just hoped that when he finally did meet the one, that his feelings for Iris wouldn't linger and sabotage another relationship with a great woman. He didn't want his wife to be second best. That wouldn't be fair to her.

"Um...No, not really. Same things going on with me. Work is great most days, when I'm not getting chewed out about being late." Barry jokes and smiles.

Iris just looked at him. "Wow. Nothing? Nothing big, or small you're just dying to tell me?" She asks eagerly. _Please tell me!_ Iris screamed at him in her head.

Barry grinned and shook his head. God, he wanted to tell her. He really did. He just couldn't. "Nope." He lies.

Iris looked at him again and was disappointed. She was almost angry at him, but kept her ire at bay. She just gave him a chance to tell her and he blew it. "Great." She says cheerfully, though she really felt like cursing. She wanted to shout at Barry. Smack him and yell at him, but she couldn't do that. She decided to ruffle his feathers just for the hell of it. "Oh, I almost forgot to tell you. Guess who I ran into at the grocery store?" She asks with her huge smile in tow.

"Eddie." Barry says dryly. Iris picked up on that but ignored it.

"No, silly Yogi." Iris jokes. "Linda." She says and waits to see if she gets a reaction from him. And she did. She saw a wave of different emotions make an appearance on his face. Like a mixture of fear, embarrassment, agony, and avoidance. She could tell he didn't want her mentioning Linda. Now she knew why.

Barry unsuccessfully tried to hide his discomfort, but it was no use. Iris knew him too well. "That's great. How is she?" He asks, though he doesn't want to talk about her at all with Iris.

"She's great. She told me to tell you hello." Iris lies. She omits everything else Linda said from their conversation. It's obvious he wasn't going to tell her. She knew how she felt about that, though she didn't want to admit that to herself again.

"That's great." He awkwardly says and goes to finish putting groceries away. Iris bringing Linda up unnerved him for some reason, especially when he knew he just lied to Iris again.

Iris wanted to further mess with him. It seemed only fair. "You know, I still don't know why you guys broke up. You were the cutest couple." She almost felt sick at saying that.

"What's there to know? It just didn't work out. It happens. You and Eddie broke up too." He adds nervously. "You guys just didn't work out like we didn't. It's no big deal."

"Yeah, but I'll tell you why it didn't work out and we broke up. He was moving way too fast for me, with wanting me to move in after just a few months together. I wasn't ready for that with him. It would've been too weird with me moving out and living with some guy that wasn't you." She counters and hopes she gets a rise out of him at that.

He looked at her suspiciously. "I thought you told him yes and were going to move in with him."

"That was a lie. I wanted you to tell me I was making a mistake. But you didn't."

He knew she was getting at something. What, he didn't know. "Why didn't you tell me that?"

"I wanted you to stop me from doing something so stupid. You just had to be supportive. I wasn't mad at you for that, but I was a little disappointed. I was going to force it. Then I thought you'd eventually do that with Linda. Then both relationships went south."

"Linda and I weren't that far into our relationship, for the record. We hadn't even..." He starts but decides to leave that part out.

"You hadn't even what?" Iris asks.

"Nothing. Nevermind." Barry states timidly.

"No, tell me. We tell each other everything." She adds just to strike him with a touchless blow.

"We didn't even have sex, ok? It's weird talking about this with you." He says and turns several shades of red.

"Why is it weird? We're best friends. We can talk about sex. Or is that too personal?" Iris asks.

"It just is since you're not a guy. Um...Well...she wanted to...but I wasn't ready." Barry states and turns even more shades of red.

"You're not a virgin, are you Barry?" Iris asks playfully.

"No, I'm not a virgin, Iris. I'm 25." He replies smartly. Though he wasn't too far from being one. He kind of just lost his virginity just because. It didn't mean a thing to him. Just something to do so he wouldn't have to lie about not being one. He wasn't a sleep around kind of guy at all. Really, he wanted to lose it to Iris, but he was too chickenshit to say anything to her.

"Jeez. Forget I asked." Iris says.

"Sorry. I'm sorry, Iris. I didn't mean to snap at you." He offers as an apology.

"No biggie. We're even." Iris says and smiles. She had one more shot. "Remember when we were in high school and everyone thought we were secretly hooking up and having sex?" She asks.

Barry is again uncomfortable. "Yeah." Is all he says.

"I mean, what would make people think that when were, and still are, just best friends? It's like people didn't think we could just be friends and not have romantic feelings for each other. _When all we were, or will ever be, are just best friends_." Iris adds bitterly. She knew she was fucking with Barry, but he deserved it. She just practically laid it on a silver platter for him. Again. And he fucking blew it. Again. She was again angry at him, and this time she wasn't letting it go. Not just mad, but disappointed. She thought he was a coward. And she hated that. Hated him for being a coward and hated herself for thinking that about him. She had never had bad thoughts like that about Barry before. Now she didn't even want to look at him. She was almost disgusted with him. And herself. She needed to get away from him. Three strikes and he was all the way out.

Barry picked up on the animosity and the tone in Iris' voice. He didn't know what in the hell was wrong with her, and that's strange and rare considering he knows her so well. He looked at her in confusion. He could tell she was upset. He had no idea why when they were just talking. He didn't want to be a sexist douche and think that she has PMS or something, but he has grown up with her. This was different than that though. He felt like she was mad at somebody, or maybe even him. "Iris, this is the last time I'm going to ask you this. What's wrong?"

Iris put on the fakest smile ever. She looked over at him so that the fake smile was already on her face. "Nothing's wrong, Bear. I already told you the deal. Do you think I'd lie or keep something from you? I'm a better friend than that." She delivered that last knockout punch. She finished putting the food away while Barry just watched her in silence. He was afraid to say anything else. She grabbed her purse and got ready to leave the kitchen without a word to her coward best friend.

"Where are you going?"

"I'm going up to my room."

"Are you coming back?" He asks hopefully.

"Nah."

"I thought you were hungry?" Barry asks in confusion.

"Not anymore. I just suddenly lost my appetite." Iris says and just leaves him and his scaredy cat ass in the kitchen alone.

Barry watched her leave in utter confusion. He had no idea what had gotten into Iris. She was fine the night before. She didn't have work stuff on her mind then. She did say she ran into Linda, but knew that there couldn't possibly be anything that running into Linda would make her mad about. Linda was mildly jealous, and rightfully so, of Iris. Linda broke up with him because of his feelings for Iris. He knew that Linda would never tell Iris that. So he really had to wonder what had Iris so upset. He figured he'd let her cool off and check on her. He wanted to eat his cereal first.

She went up to her room and was almost fuming. Barry had pissed her off. She sat on her bed in hostility. She didn't want to think about Barry and his foolishness anymore. She needed some music to distract herself. But she was angry. Music helped when she was angry. She got her IPod and hooked it up to the docking station. She just sat and wallowed in the music with her thoughts. Then her go to song came on. The one she always played when she was upset. She put it on repeat.

 _I don't know what it is that you've done to me_  
_But it's caused me to act in such a crazy way._  
_Whatever it is that you do when you do what you're doing_  
_It's a feeling that I don't understand._

 _'Cause my heart starts beating triple time,_  
_With thoughts of loving you on my mind._  
_I can't figure out just what to do,_  
_When the cause and cure is you._

 _I get so weak in the knees I can hardly speak._  
_I lose all control and something takes over me._  
_In a daze and it's so amazing, it's not a phase._  
_I want you to stay with me, by my side._  
_I swallow my pride, your love is so sweet._  
_It knocks me right off of my feet._  
_I can't explain why your loving makes me weak._

 _It's time after time after time I've tried to fight it._  
_But your love is strong it keeps on holding on._  
_Resistance is down when you're around, starts fading._  
_In my condition I don't want to be alone._

 _'Cause my heart starts beating triple time,_  
_With thoughts of loving you on my mind._  
_I can't figure out just what to do,_  
_When the cause and cure is you._

 _I try hard to fight it._  
_No way can I deny it._  
_Your love's so sweet._  
_It knocks me off my feet._

 _I get so weak_  
_Blood starts racing through my veins_  
_I get so weak_  
_Boy it's something I can't explain._  
_I get so weak_  
_Something 'bout the way you do_  
_The things you do ooh ooh, it_  
_Knocks me right off of my feet,_  
_Off of my feet._  
_Can't explain why your loving makes me weak._

Barry got started on his cereal fix when he heard Iris turn on her IPod loud. He ignored it though. It came with the territory. Then he heard the song. The song he knew Iris played when she was upset. He had heard that song a lot throughout the years. It really served a purpose now. He wanted to know what was wrong with iris. He'd help her through it after she stewed for a little.

He heard the song repeatedly and was blocking it out while he was eating when Joe came into the kitchen. "Hey, Bear. What's wrong with Iris?" He asks. He knew the deal as well.

"Hey, Joe. I have no idea. She practically threw the cereal at me and snapped at me. She put the ice cream and the eggs in the cupboard, and the syrup and dish liquid in the freezer. She said it was work stuff, how they're still treating her like an intern, but I think it's more than that. She kept snapping at me and went up to her room. Then she started playing 'the song'." Barry says as he continues eating.

"Oh, boy. I'm glad I'm going in to work on some case files. Good luck." Joe says and leaves the house.

Barry finishes up and tries to ignore the music. He finds a basketball game and watches that for a few hours. He continues to hear 'the song' for hours. He wondered how long she'd keep it up.

Iris really started to listen to the words of her go to song. The realization his her like a direct punch to the face. She fucking loved Barry too. She did. She suppressed it for years. There's a reason that's her song. The words were so true. Then she got angry all over again. She wanted to slap Barry and Linda. She was fine hours ago and they both ruined that. Linda with opening her big mouth and Barry with not opening his.

She sat and marinated in her anger for hours. Still listening to the song. She was mad as hell at Barry. She felt like leaving her room and confronting him.

Barry had the same thoughts downstairs. He was now sick of Iris and that damn song. He was going to force her to tell him what was wrong. He seriously couldn't take it anymore. He made the trek upstairs and went to Iris' room. He braced himself before he knocked.

He didn't get an answer.

He knocked again.

Nothing.

He knocked a third time. Harder than he just did. He now knows that Iris is upset with him. He had to proceed with caution. "Iris? Open the door, please."

No response.

He walked to his room and through the bathroom. He prayed her side wasn't locked. Luckily it wasn't. He entered her room and saw her sitting on her bed with her arms folded, a scowl engraved on her gorgeous face.

"Oh, now you show up?" Iris asks in a nasty and sharp tone.

"Why are you mad at me?" He asks.

Iris ignored his question. "What makes you think you can just walk into my room uninvited? You just barge in and I could've been naked or something." She watched as his expression changed and she knew for a fact that he imagined her naked.

"I was willing to take my chances since you weren't answering your door. Again I ask, why are you mad at me?"

"I'm not mad at you." Iris lies.

"Yes, you are. You're listening to that song and ignoring me. You're still snapping at me. Did I do something wrong?" He asks.

Iris got even angrier. She got up and turned her IPod off. "So now you wanna talk?" She asks as she turns to him.

"Yes. That's why I'm here. Even If I don't like what I hear."

"Really?"

"Yes, Iris. What did I do to make you angry at me? You were gone all morning and just came back pissed off. What could I have done while you were gone?" Barry wonders in utter confusion.

Iris figured she might as well get this show on the road. "I'm gonna ask you one last time, is there something you want to tell me?" She asks with enough bite to behead a horse.

He just looked at her. And the angry but hurt look on her face.

And he knew.

He knew because he knew Iris.

He was afraid to have this conversation. She was mad at him. Mad because he loved her. Rejection would feel better than this.

"What do you want me to tell you Iris?" He asks quietly.

"First of all, tell me why you're such a fucking coward. Let's start there." She spat with venom.

"What? How am I a coward? What are you talking about?" He asked in fear. He knew she was really upset if she was cussing at him.

"Telling you hello isn't what Linda said to me, Bear."

"What did she say to you, Iris?" He asks, though he knows.

"She wanted me to know she holds no resentment towards me since I'm the reason she broke up with you and she was shocked that we aren't a couple by now."

"What?" Barry asks incredulously.

"Apparently you've been in love with me since we were kids. She even broke up with you because of it." Iris says surely.

"Shit." Barry says out loud.

"Imagine how I felt. She fucking ambushed me."

"That wasn't for her to tell." He says angrily.

"So it's true?" Iris asks. He gives her a pleading look and doesn't answer her. "Is it true, Barry?"

Barry exhaled. He did his nervous fidgeting thing that's his signature move. He placed his hands around his neck and exhaled again. He paced a little. He looked at Iris and wanted to break down and cry. "Yes, it's true."

"So you were just never going to tell me? I gave you three openings downstairs! Three, Barry! I fucking came to you after I told you Eddie thought you liked me. You fucking denied it! Do you have any idea how that made me feel?" Iris yells.

"I thought you would be glad that I didn't like you that way. It's obvious you don't feel the same way. You thought it was so ridiculous. Do you have any idea how that made me feel?"

"I gave you an opportunity to tell me! And since I figured you would never lie to me or keep something this huge away from me, I brushed it off as just Eddie being a dick about our friendship."

"I had to deny it! I had to, Iris! You shot me down. You took it as a joke, so I thought you were thinking I was a joke too. That's why I denied it. And I really tried to get over you. I'm still trying." Barry says. "It's no use. I know I'll be in love with you until the day I die."

"So you were just going to continue to torture yourself? Forever?! You gave me this ring! Why would you do that? Why, Barry?" Iris asks and really needs answers. "You basically proposed to me! Only I had no idea. According to Linda, I'm engaged and don't even realize it."

"I got it because you were devastated when you lost the real one, and I wanted to somehow give it back to you because of how special it was and still is. Because I knew I could never propose to you and give you a real engagement ring. You got with Eddie and I knew I had missed my chance because you were so in love with him. Then you were going to move in with him and I thought it was inevitable that you two would get married. I knew I was going to have to force myself to be happy for you two while I was dying inside. I knew I'd have to go to your wedding and not want to actually kill myself or object and ruin our friendship for good. I knew that one day you'd have a little girl that looks like you, but looks like she could be ours, and will call me 'Uncle Barry' instead of 'Daddy' and that thought really killed me. Because you couldn't even wrap your mind around me liking you when I love you."

Iris burst out crying at his confession. She didn't know how to handle that at all. She had no idea he felt that way. No idea he actually wanted to have babies with her. "Barry..." She chokes out through tears.

Barry had his own tears, but nothing like the waterworks that were going on with Iris. He felt like a huge prick for making her cry like that. He was horrified. He had never in his life wanted to hurt Iris in that way. He wanted to walk over and give her a hug, but thought he shouldn't. But she needed him. She needed her best friend. He couldn't move his feet though. He was frozen in place. "Iris, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. Now you see why I didn't want to tell you? To avoid this. Now this is fucked up and ruined. And I'm the cause. I can't even blame Linda for this, though she shouldn't have told you that. I'm sorry, Iris. I can't lose you. I really can't. Can we just pretend this didn't happen? I know it's gonna be hard, but can we try? Please?" He practically begs.

Iris continued to cry. It neared hysterics and Barry became increasingly uncomfortable. She slid to the floor in a heap of tears and feels. Barry knew he had blown it. Things would never be the same after this. His feelings for Iris actually ruined things for them. Also Linda and her big mouth. But he couldn't blame her. It wasn't her fault that she wasn't Iris. But this was a disaster. He had no idea what to do. He probably needed to move the hell out. How could he stay in that house now? How could he? Everybody that told him that he should tell Iris was an idiot and an asshole. Look what happened. He essentially broke him and Iris. He broke their relationship beyond repair and he hated himself for that.

He swallowed the ounce of pride he had left and walked over to Iris, who was in a ball. He pulled her into his arms and cradled and rocked her like a child. He didn't think finding out that he loved her would hurt her this much. It literally broke his heart in two. He wanted to take it out of his chest and throw it away, because he definitely didn't need it anymore. He rubbed her head. "Shhhh, Iris. Stop crying. I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. I'm sorry that I love you and fucked this up. I didn't mean to." Barry offers gratuitously.

Iris continued to weep, but now she was weeping for Barry. She thought of all he's been through and never let it dim who he is. She wept for all those years he loved her and didn't say anything. The way he just kept himself in misery for nothing. She wept for his saying he would spend the rest of his life living in that misery. Wept because he wanted her child to call him Daddy. Because he had to find his own way of proposing to her. Because he didn't think he really could and she'd say yes.

Barry cried himself because he knew he had lost this with the most important person in his life. He'd miss her and this forever. Yeah, this hurt more than rejection. This hurt like it hurt when his mother died. This hurt how it did when Iris lost her mother's wedding band and was inconsolable. He held her then too. And it hurt thinking about that little girl he saw in his dreams that was the perfect combination of him and Iris, more of her though. He wanted her to at least have his eyes, because he had his mother's eyes and wanted to pass that on. But some things just weren't meant to be.

Iris' tears started to subside. She looked up at Barry. She knew he thought the worst. "Barry...Barry..." She began.

"Yeah?" Barry asks.

"We can't ruin this." She says quietly.

"I know. We have to stay friends. It'll be hard, but we have to."

They remained in their embrace, quietly for a while. Iris placed her head on Barry's chest.

"Bear?" Iris asks.

"Yeah?"

"Did you have a name in mind when you thought of my little girl?"

Barry released her and looked at her. "Yeah." He says and smiles.

"What was it?" Iris asks as she wipes her tears, and then Barry's.

"Jasmine. I figured she could have a flower name like her mother." He says and smiles just thinking of how beautiful he thinks she'll be.

"Jasmine is a very beautiful name. Jasmine Ann Nora Allen. I figure she can have a piece of all of us. Me, your mom, my mom and you."

Barry felt like the luckiest man in the world. He hadn't broken and ruined him and Iris. "I think that's great. But I think Joe and my dad will be a little hurt by that."

"Well, we can just name our son after them. We could get one of each, you know?" Iris thinks for a minute. "Don't you think it's time you kissed me, Barry?" She says as more of a statement than a question.

Barry moved slightly and grabbed Iris' face. He softly and tenderly pressed his lips to hers. He hungrily kissed her, relishing in the moment of kissing the love of his life, and if the fates allowed it, his future wife, for the first time. He didn't want it to end. Iris didn't want it to end. It felt long overdue.

"Thank you, Iris." He says once they break the kiss.

"For what?" .

"Jasmine Ann Nora Allen." Is all he says.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading. I hope you enjoyed. Sorry for the song lyrics. I know some people hate that, but it was necessary. I have no rights to those song lyrics. Used strictly for entertainment purposes only.


End file.
